On November 2nd, Hannah was seen at the Cincinnati Children's Hospital. We originally asked that Hannah be seen for possible Aspberger's Syndrome. We felt that she was displaying behaviors that were atypical for her age. They weren't any obvious behaviors, and in fact, many times they could be categorized to the common eye as something she would "grow out of". While some of her skills were developing into more complex actions, the mentality of the behavior was not changing. Hannah is some ways seemed, "stuck" and very "quirky". For months after noticing something was "different" about Hannah, compared to her peers, she spoke mainly in movie quotes, had obsessive compulsive tendencies, and rarely came out of her imagination for a short minute conversation, she struggled with sitting still, and displayed extreme clumsiness; however, would melt down like she didn't understand when she could not coordinate her body to do what she wanted it to do, I spent weeks arguing with myself and trying to learn how to communicate what I felt I saw. I knew something wasn't right, but I just couldn't tell you exactly what it was, due to her age, and how quirky behaviors could easily be viewed as normal small child behavior. I wrote down her behaviors that I found to be unusual and we took them to her pediatrician, who, found them to be grounds for a referral to the Cincinnati Children's Hospital.
In my time of processing it all, after the pediatrician's referral, and filling out all of the paperwork they mailed me, the time came to make the actual appointment, and I froze. I hate to say this, but I roze. I froze in doubt of what my gut told me. I froze despite the conversations I had with others about Hannah's behavior that encouraged me to pursue confirmation or denial of our suspicions. I struggled with feeling crazy. So, I didn't call when it came time to schedule the appointment. For months, I didn't call, but I couldn't move past what I felt was screaming inside that Hannah needs some help. Denial is a dangerous thing, I knew that, and I knew that it could cause more damage than anything that could be going on with her. I had to be reminded that there is help, there are resources, and I had to remember, most of all, that we were not alone in any of this.
So, John called. I was actually afraid, because it has been a few months, that they wouldn't have our information, and we would have to start over again, taking more time; however, they scheduled an appointment for November 2nd. That day was an intimidating day for me and it felt like walking in to take a huge test of what I knew about Hannah and a huge test of how to communicate what I felt I saw. The hospital staff were very nice and treated us well. I think there are somethings, no matter how nice the hospital staff are, that really give you a difficult time while doing what you need to do when you are there. such as any concern you are internally dealing with concerning your child. At the end of the visit, it was determined that Hannah struggles with Behavior Disturbance,Other Developmental Speech or Language Disorder and Sensory Disturbance. We were prescribed to get Hannah an Occupational therapy Evaluation and a Speech-Language Evaluation. Leaving this appointment, I just wanted to make sense of what we learned that day. For me, that means reading as much as I possibly can about the topic. No matter how much reading material that was made available, I knew, this is too big for me. This was something I couldn't do for Hannah, but something, to the pain in my heart, she was going to have to go through herself with my support. With her strong support system, Hannah has a battle she isn't even aware of, and many times I didn't know what to do that day, but something close to my heart popped in my head that day...
Dr. Suess', "Oh The Places You'll Go" has been a constant encouragement as I have wondered and worried and walked with Hannah. God has used that story more than a couple of times to remind me that He has this covered. The last time John, Hannah, Rylie, and I made a trip to Indiana to visit my father, his parents, and some of his siblings, we were given a book. He felt, without knowing what was going on with Hannah, that she should have her very own collectors edition copy of the story. So in honor of our Hannah as she grows and matures: "You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed. You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead. Wherever you fly, you'll be the best of the best. Wherever you go, you will top all the rest."- Dr. Suess.
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